Jared Johnson
@curiousbarkeep
Wandering Bartender/Writer/Knucklehead/ International Man of Action
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apple.news/AWzMsWsJQSiqWT… @DanishAndOneill I think @samtripoli meant that September was when the world would change - these feathered freaks are waging war
I went to the Dr’s the other day & got good news & bad news. The bad was I need to lose weight - first time a Dr has ever said that to me - but the good news is I have cancer & they want to remove a large piece of my lip so I’ll lose some weight without working out
“There’s a lot of appropriation, so it’s important to us that we can bring something forward in an authentic way” bit.ly/2PkZsGQ
Who’s having a good weekend? @punchdrunk @DanishAndOneill google.com/amp/amp.wcvb.c…
You can bullshit your way through life, but if you don’t die early enough it just keeps getting harder to do. Learn a skill before you get old. #MondayMotivation
“Go beat a cup apart with a hammer then put it back together, but don’t do a good job. Whatya got? A plate bruh” @TheoVon
Seeing as plastic straws are now banned, I’m going to have to 3D print print myself a gun and drink out of the barrel.
oh snap. do we have a @CameronHanes @bisping rivalry?? @BYMPod ??? Will @luisjgomez make this fight happen??? #bispingvshanes #skankfest2019
When your cousin hates @GuyFieri as much as @DanishAndOneill @Discovery get your life together and make @SharkWeek great again
When kamkamgram first told me about Haresh and the amazing work he’s doing here in the Sacred… instagram.com/p/BfRbjmnFNkP/
“Everyone’s got secrets, though I’m forgotten, I won’t mistake it for forgiven” @MishkaShubaly yr wrds touch me most when I’m on a long trip
When I hand a homeless guy a bag of fruit & H20 & he says he’d rather have a beer, I can’t decide whether to smack him or take him to a bar
“If you have to take a Xanax to go on a date, you shouldn’t go on that date” says the girl next to me to her friend.
Big big ups to @theteeb for the massive hospitality and fresh ass air guitar skills last night,… instagram.com/p/BeocwLDFeuh/
Yo @verified , you’ve got short time to fix 2017. Give @steak_umm their blue check, make Tom Petty proud bruh #realtalk
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