I’m just finding out @ConanOBrien has webbed toes and I can finally proudly say we have something in common. #almostanxmen
Isn’t it insane to think there was a time in recent American history that one 9-5 job could pay for a home, groceries, and education and we didn’t have billionaires going to space for fun? Wild #StateOfTheUnionAddress #America
Good news @taylorswift13 secondary market tickets are only starting at 2k.
When one mediocre company is the only one you can turn too Tickets: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO) youtu.be/-_Y7uqqEFnY via @YouTube
Honestly @Ticketmaster you are going to get some of us husbands/dads murdered. @taylorswift13 #TaylorSwiftErasTour
Ahhhh fall. Leaves changing color and the start of five months of depression #fall #seasons #winter #sad
Whenever I feel like I’m having too good of a day I log into my banking app. #stayhumble #MentalHealthMatters
Pro tip: Don’t listen to the Why I love my mom chapter of @ColinJost book a very punchable face while at work unless you want to tell everyone around you “ I’m fine I just got something in my eye” #workplace
Hi. Hi m Johnny Knoxville and I’m about to give my 5yo a food he’s never tried with no warning. #parenting #jackassforever #Parents
Just finished #yearbook by @Sethrogen and it firmly solidified my lifelong desire to be his friend.
Have you tried blowing on it like a NES cartridge? #facebookdown #instadown
Bet you all wish we still had Google+ now. #facebookdown #facebook #google
Don’t worry @RepMattGaetz You’ll being seeing the inside soon enough.
BREAKING: The DC Department of Corrections locked out multiple Members of Congress from reviewing the conditions of the January 6th prisoners. What are they hiding? cc: @RepLouieGohmert, @RepGosar, @RepMTG
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