💐they/he
@defiledbones
attempting recovery :) bpd , bipolar , ocd , schizophrenia , adhd+autism
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i do not encourage s/h. i will not tell you how to cut deep or what to use. do not ask. i’m here to cope.
going home today!!!!!! just over a month in hospital. glad i met the people i did but i am never fucking coming back ever again i swear on my life
i hate my scars no i don’t i love them they’re so validating no i hate them they remind me every day of what i’m capable of doing to myself no i like them they show everyone of what i’m capable of doing to myself i want everyone to know i don’t want anyone to know. fuck
discharge date maybe monday if i don’t fuck up weekend leave like i did last time!! scared but excited at the idea of finally being out of here!!
seeing people without a single sh scar on their whole body is so crazy to me they fr look naked🤯 so jealous but also not i’m so conflicted ab my scars
LOL went home on leave and decided to kill myself but my parents called the police and they restrained and handcuffed me and put me in the back of the police van and now i’m back at the ward. i hate my life
spent christmas and hanukkah in the ward last year, already spent my birthday in this year i bet i’ll still be here for hanukkah again this year. that’s so fucking depressing holy shit :/
i get to go home and see my dog!! and i’m gonna dye my hair and get my nails done i’m so excited!! still don’t have a discharge date but once i’m completely off 1:1 for a full week the psychiatrist said we can discuss it!
they’re easing my 1:1!! i’m free all morning shift until 1 if i attend breakfast and both group therapies! and i got leave today to go see my psychologist! first time standing outside in almost three weeks! and i didn’t fuck it up so i get personal leave this weekend!
they’re easing my 1:1!! i’m free all morning shift until 1 if i attend breakfast and both group therapies! and i got leave today to go see my psychologist! first time standing outside in almost three weeks! and i didn’t fuck it up so i get personal leave this weekend!
i don’t know what to do when i feel this never ending mind numbing melancholy pain. it’s like it’s all i’ve ever felt and all i will ever feel. i physically can’t stand it i feel like i’m going to throw up
i am fucking disgusting. i am the dirt beneath your boot. i am a pathetic, defiled fucking thing that calls itself a man. i deserve every bad thing to happen to me, i deserve to suffer every pain that exists.
everyone else is sick everyone else deserves help everyone else gets help not me i’m never bad enough i’m never sick enough not even when i’m almost breaking my fucking skull open every night not even when the whole wall in my room is stained with blood i’m not sick i’m not sick
fucking security guards ripped open one of my healed arm wounds when they restrained me last night and now it needs to be sutured a second time ffs
hello! i have not been very active lately my life has been very hectic. i was in a mental health ward for a week but was deemed too ‘high risk’ so i was transferred to a high security ward. i’m currently having episodes that cause me to be restrained and sedated most days
psych ward is transferring me to a higher security ward bc i’m too ‘at risk’ when i have my episodes. gonna be in hospital for my birthday so that’s fun
hospital just gave me opioids, benzos and dexies at the same time how have my organs not started failing
surgery went well! they cut out all the dead tissue and sutured it back together. i’m back in the psych ward already
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