Destin Gerek
@destingerek
Certified Sexologist, Author of best-selling book ‘The Evolved Masculine: Be the Man the World Needs and the One She Craves’ Inquiries: [email protected]
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I know that I’m ’supposed to’ hate my ex-wife. But really, how could I spend a lifetime hating the mother of my children? They are the greatest gifts ever bestowed upon me, and she brought them into the world. I’ll get over my shit. That’s plenty to be grateful for…
First Christmas post-divorce. Spent Xmas Eve with the kids and Xwife as kids begged for it. Aside from a minor hiccup, it went great. We even had silly fun w the 4 of us playing Mario Wonder together. I’m intent on living the adage Love doesn’t die, it just changes forms
If you come sooner than you wanted, you’re not “done.” You still have hands. You still have a mouth. She still has a full body. Stay present. Shift focus. Keep leading. That’s sexual maturity.
Stop saying “this is what I do.” If it’s a pattern you’re outgrowing, speak about it in the past tense. Language locks identity in place—or sets it free. This is something you have done, not who you are.
Stepping back into visibility after a long silence is vulnerable. But staying quiet while the conversation collapses into fear and ideology felt worse. So I’m choosing to speak again. From the body. Not for the algorithm.
What I care about isn’t being edgy. (anymore) I care about restoring intimacy between men and women in a culture that’s forgotten how to talk about sex without either sanitizing it or exploiting it. There’s a third way. It’s harder. And it works.
I’ve spent decades in rooms where men are learning how to feel again. The moment they slow down enough to sense a woman’s body (not perform, not conquer), something fundamental shifts. Trust begins there.
When men don’t know how to stay present with arousal, they either try to control it, or escape it. Both create harm. What’s missing isn’t more societal rules. It’s true embodiment.
Integrity isn’t just about others trusting you. It’s about you trusting your own word.
You don’t heal masculine sexuality just by constraining it. You heal it by teaching presence, attunement, and restraint from inside desire. That requires grown-up conversation.
I’ve been shadowbanned, restricted, and quietly erased more times than I can count. Not for harm. For refusing to flatten sexuality into something sterile and compliant. At some point, you stop negotiating your language.
The men I work with aren’t dangerous. Often however, they’re dissociated from their bodies, terrified of their desire, and afraid they’ll hurt someone if they trust it. That’s not a moral failure. It’s a developmental one.
We live in a culture that lets porn run wild but panics when someone speaks honestly about embodied sexuality. That contradiction is doing real damage. Silencing the conversation doesn’t make sex safer. It makes it unconscious.
I’ve been mostly off social media for the last couple years. Not because I have nothing worth saying, but because talking honestly about sex, power, and embodiment kept getting punished. (Meta I’m looking at you!) I’m here now because X still allows adults to speak like adults.
Electing our first black president might have got us @realDonaldTrump , but electing Donald Trump might be what finally gets us our first (black/brown) female president. (@VP Kamala Harris)
I am Destin Gerek, a sexologist and author transforming the narrative on masculinity and sexuality – AMA about my wild journey from Erotic Rockstar to founder of The Evolved Masculine to filmmaker and beyond! @Reddit reddit.com/r/IAmA/comment…
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