dphistry's profile picture. DM me if you have pizza.

Dan Phistry

@dphistry

DM me if you have pizza.

That's a million dollar idea btw. I'll give that one to you guys for free.


"It's April, fool." - my new Mr. T themed calendar app


#aprilfoolsday is the best way to sow the seeds of mistrust amongst friends and family


Nashville is the Mecca for 50 something jimmy buffet fans and 20 something suburban girls who identify as "whiskey girls" on tinder.


Dan Phistry reposted

#blessed for memes, Hamm's, penguins, fresh socks, queso, and last but not least, 8 years of Cutler and Crean.


Google "burrowing owl" and thank me later. #cuteoverload


St. Patrick: the patron saint of green Jell-O shots


Just goes to show that if you start a hashtag you can see results in as little as 5 years. #firecrean


Her: Let's do something naughty. Me: *cuts tag off mattress*


A family of 4 barely fitting down an aisle...at Costco. #america


All you care about is almonds.


Asking the bartender to describe a coffee stout I'm interested in..."It's got coffee in it..." #smh


"Aura? Is that part of the nipple?" #shitmycoworkerssay


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