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@everychnt
posting every chnt quote in order !! posts r hourly he/shroom admin
SYDNEY: The time is 12:83 PM, and as you have surely learned in the hours since my last report, Camp Here and There has been overrun by a pestilent infestation of penguins.
[DING] SYDNEY: The macaroni penguin. A common midwestern breed of flightless bastard. A penguin of the macaroni species can be distinguished by her loathsome, pretentious shock of blond eyebrows… and her particularly bellicose attitude towards Summer camps.
[RUSHED FOOTSTEPS, DOOR CLOSING] SYDNEY: [Muffled and very frantic] Lucille! Lucille! Luciiiiiiille!
SYDNEY: Do not go near the vents under any circumstances today, alright, kids? We’ll get this figured out. Today’s breakfast is pickled cabbage, peanut butter and ham sandwiches, and live salmon. S-salmon… Oh no… I have to go. Enjoy your meal.
SYDNEY: I, uh, I couldn’t quite tell what sort of creature it was from where it lurked within the shadows, but black feathers indicate corvids or, if we’re very unfortunate, perhaps… perhaps penguins.
SYDNEY: Kids, I don’t want to be alarmist, but… we appear to have an — an infestation on our hands.
[CLANG, FOLLOWED BY A PENGUIN SQUAWK, AND A YELP FROM SYDNEY] [SOUNDS OF SYDNEY RUSHING BACK TO THE MIC] SYDNEY: I — I’m back. I… alright. First of all, a blanket apology to the counselors for my assumptions. None of you would ever bring.. something like this… upon the camp.
SYDNEY: One second, campers. I’m going to check out the vent. In the meantime, uh, just think about . . . . . your favorite… um… alternative fuel source! [FOOTSTEPS] Goodness, where is Jedidiah today?
SYDNEY: Okay, what the hell? Is that the air vent? What were the counselors up to last night? [SHUFFLING AND A CREAKING FROM HIS CHAIR]
[A MUFFLED BUMP] SYDNEY: [Clears his throat]… As I was saying. For breakfast we have — [ANOTHER BUMP, ACCOMPANIED BY A CLANG]
SYDNEY: I, personally, am looking forward to it. Still, you do have this morning to run around in the grass, bellowing like little neanderthals. And on the breakfast menu for today we’ve got —a
SYDNEY: You know, reading storybooks, trading secrets, drawing pictures of your enemies dying violently, and gazing wistfully out the window as the dirt is moistened to a toxic slop by the deadly cavalcade from the quicksilver clouds.
SYDNEY: I hear a conspicuous lack of clapping from the mess hall… lighten up, you guys! It’ll be funnnnnnn! Just think of it like any lazy pajama day!
SYDNEY: So, campers, since very few of you brought hazmat suits to camp — next time, pay attention to the list on the website! — we will be spending the afternoon indoors! Yayyyyyy!! [HE CLAPS]
SYDNEY: Also, Counselor Fennel reports that the trees around camp have begun secreting the special chemophobic slick they’ve evolved to protect themselves from weather phenomena like these, so it’s basically a done deal.
SYDNEY: Well, campers returning from last Summer will remember what happened last time we ignored one of Rowan’s forecasts. All the letters we had to write those poor parents…
SYDNEY: When he emerged from his meteorological trance, he reported high chances of mercury rain this afternoon.
SYDNEY: Important notice for everyone, today: this morning, Rowan Chow, a counselor from Cabin Magpie Moth, lifted his head to the swirling orange sky and took a deep breath through his nose.
SYDNEY: What, the dark vagaries of good-old eldritch thaumaturgy not alluring enough for you anymore? Ugh… amateurs. [PAPERS RUSTLING] Well, anyways.
SYDNEY: Judging by the avian cries and cold drafts coming from the vents, I would bet it was something… zoological. A departure from the usual late-night rituals, huh?
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