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If it weren't for Apple's Reminders app, I would probably never remember to take multivitamins or text my dad back again.
Old Target Man: "And are we saving 5% with a Target Red Card today?" Me: "No thanks." Old Target Man: "Well golly are you sure, it--" Me:
Going to Target and not impulse buying a new mug or bedside lamp is like visiting your parents and not bringing your laundry. Like why?
When the hotel Starbucks barista says "you come here a lot, don't you?" like it's a bad thing and now ur too self-conscious to ever go back
Absolutely would love to be the gay version of this lesbian couple wearing matching Seinfeld tshirts at IKEA ❤️
The worst part of getting up at 4am for work is it tends to make you a lil cranky and the best part is that you're one day closer to dying
Ugh I hate it when my outfit only looks cute when I have my white iPhone 6S that cost $300 sticking out of my back pocket 🙄
0 hours of beard growth: 3rd grader 1-23 hours: pedophile 23-24 hours: normal 23 year-old 24+ hours: homeless Being a boy roxx
When a large man with neck tattoos plops by you on the plane & starts crackin jokes & showing pics of his daughter
BMV Lady: I just need to see your ID Me: k I've also got my registration proof of insurance passport and photocopy of a 16th birthday card
Me: I'm sure there's a perfectly logical explanation for why he's taking so long to text back. Me: Imma be mad anyway just in case
My roommate left for the weekend with MY toothpaste so I had to dry brush my teeth and pop 3 mints before be--I mean woohoo Saturday night!
When you take 3,471 snap chats that're all ugly as hell then send one anyway & tell yourself bae's just gotta like you for you, ugly and all
When co-worker happy hour is at 6:00 so you show up at 6:20 and nobody is there yet at 6:30 🙃
@EricODaily you're the reason why every other race and ethnicity hates us 🙄
When a song just speaks to you & you sit back making all the faces you'd make if you starred in that music video❤️
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