Heather Andersen Shellen
@hshellen
Creator of three small humans. Whisky and coffee drinker (not at the same time). Amateur pie baker. Newborn activist. No patience for your shenanigans.
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If you happen to be as lucky as I am and found the one and only love of your life before you could even drive a car and are looking for a song to absolutely destroy you in the best possible way it’s “If We Were Vampires” by Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit every time. @gshellen 🥲
Imagine being voted out of office by someone who was just kicked out of beetle juice the musical for vaping and jacking off her date
I wanted to share some of my thoughts on today's Supreme Court decision on affirmative action:
Dead kids can’t read.
’Dead kids can’t read.’ Rep. Jared Moskowitz shut down Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene during an exchange on U.S. school shootings, saying Republicans are focused on banning books instead of banning assault weapons.
Tweet if the year.
this is what happens when you don’t recycle your pizza boxes
Check on the people you love. 💔
this is what happens when you don’t recycle your pizza boxes
This feels right.
Some tips about discussing abortion with your more backward relatives
Can’t believe Nevada is Tiffany Trump’s “something blue.” 💙
FASCISM IS DEAD IN AMERICA AFTER DEVASTATING LOSS 49.7-49.3
Wait until the end though….
What Mehmet Oz means when he says abortion should be between "a woman, her doctor, and local political leaders." #PASenateDebate Thx @amyschumer
Weight watchers is the real MVP today.
Driving on the 3rd grade fieldtrip today & everyone is telling ghost stories. My daughter says “their mom told them not to answer the phone if it rings….but like one of those old timey phones. The kind that hang on the wall.” Ah yes. Those ancient phones from the late 1900s.
Angel: You want them to rest every night? God: 8 hours. Completely unconscious and immobile. Angel: And then they wake up completely refreshed? God: No.
Welcome Fall!
I feel seen.
I just witnessed a child have a meltdown in the pumpkin patch because he wanted to go to the pumpkin patch. That he was standing in. LMAO Y’all parent every day? Oh my God. 😂
Nancy Pelosi doesn’t just show concern for Mike Pence, she does it whilst opening a Slim Jim with one hand and her teeth. Just when I thought I couldn’t respect her more.
Some days I check all the items off my to-do list before 10 am. Other days I wear my pajamas to parent teacher conferences. It’s called balance.
I’m gonna punch him out and I’m gonna go to jail and I’m gonna be happy.
Pelosi’s response to hearing Trump might march to the Capitol is definitely worth watching
time to bring out last year’s colder month pants! i’m sure they all still fit exactly as they used to and that i will have only positive and affirming experiences putting them all on
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