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Ensuring that the kids who drew the short straw this holiday season by being stuck in a hospital… instagram.com/p/BMkE4-oAySp/
Third Taco Bell in the US that sells alcohol just opened up a few blocks from me in Austin. Just… instagram.com/p/BMb9lmfDTsH/
First homemade Halloween costume, pretty happy with how it turned out. The phone boxes are the… instagram.com/p/BMJ7_EVj2_b/
Trump's foreign policy answers sound like a book report from a teenager who hasn't read the book. "Oh, the grapes! They had so much wrath!"
When I read other people tweets: stupid, dumb, who cares, dumb, unfollowed. When I read my own tweets: U are a gift to this world.
Interviewer: "where do you see yourself in 5 years?" Me:"At least 1,000 followers on my Spotify playlists"
Managed to find myself to the hotel okay. Hopefully day one of this business trip is just as successful 😅
Just refused to let Mr. Rogers in on Chapel Ave. My summer visit home is already successful
When you have to adjust your headphones after the hair cutter shears off your not-actually-jewish Jew Fro 🙉
Just turned down pizza from a quarter billionaire #BillionWithaB
I swear puppies have carpet homing devices so they can do their business in the spot thats the hardest to clean up
When you're not sure if you're at the right airport gate to go back to school and the cowboy hats let you know you are right #texas
People that put spaces before their exclamation points and question marks make me uncomfortable !
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