sam schmitz
@imagine_sam12
they paint me as a villain, I just autograph the artwork
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same, but pretend I look like this😌🥰
I was talking to a guy who said he had to return his cat because he didn’t have time for them. Ask me if I read the red flag, and then ask me if I’m surprised. (I did not and I shouldn’t be, but here we are)
Idk bro, I think you’re a special type of annoying if you feel the need to repost every one of the times someone tells you “happy birthday” on your story.
I love having sisters at home so I can still be in the loop with all the delusional shit my parents say. But also cannot wait for them to be out of the house so I can stop hearing all the delusional shit my parents say.
Something to consider, in case you lack common sense or decency: if you feel the need to apologize for “overstepping” or “making it weird” after saying something, maybe just stfu. Bc I’m not going to placate you. You did make it weird and you make me uncomfortable. Bye bye, now!
dating for love isn’t working. now i’m dating to conduct psychological experiments and collect data
I actually don’t think I need to pay for therapy. I’ll just loudly bitch about my problems and let my FBI agent send me tik toks about my issues.
Looking for a man who can have a thought independent from his mother (or a mother or isn’t still trying to date her son)
The guy I had the fattest crush on freshman year OF HS just approached me at the bar. Three hours away from home? And it was weird? I didn’t even recognize him. This has to be a simulation fr bc how? And why? Shits just out here happening like???
I can’t wait to actually teach my daughter what to look for in a man🩵
From “go take your crazy pills and chill the fuck out” to “would you like me to make you a snack so you can take your medicine?” during a panic attack has drastically reduced my panic attacks? Maybe correlation can imply causation🤨🤷🏻♀️
Please, a snap saying “my dog just vomited all over the floor” or “my baby just had an explosive blowout” does just as well as a video. I really don’t need to see the proof. Send that to your vet, not the bitch you sat next to in freshman bio🤢🫣
The weirdest part about snap memories is remembering what my life actually was at that point. Like I’m really at the most stable point in my life romanticizing a time when I drank and cried myself to sleep constantly bc of a few snaps? Be so fr rn, I was so depressed😂
I’m breaking the generational curse of never saying “I love you.” I’m telling everyone, no matter how long it’s gonna be. I’m willing to make people uncomfortable, I do not care. Say it back or not, I’m gonna say it next time too, bc if you’re around me, I fucking love you.
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