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I want to reassure everyone this is not a “layoff” in the traditional sense. Your new role will only require a few hours a week in the Chamber where a small portion of your Soul Energy is siphoned to extend our executive board members’ lifespans
a rainbow flag is a powerful machiavellian symbol. a prism divides the different colors of light into a rainbow. my business acumen and physical strength/endurance divides my enemies and thereby I easily dominate them. not gay. learn 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
the two healthcare personalities
My doctor is like a heckin doggo Xillennial and she asked me this morning if my new medicine was working on a scale of “not so good” to “total amazepants”
i like when left and right accounts will post about a future US civil war but it sounds like the dumbest 2 guys in your town setting up to meet in the walmart parking lot and have a fistfight
this would make sense if it was like a pilot flying a plane, surgeon doing open heart, priest taking confession, cop doing a DUI stop etc.
just put me in the fuckin pit of pain right fuckin now and beat me to death haha just kidding i’ll take a 12 oz latte oat milk to go thanks
this is how Tim speaks to Gregg when he gets mad
let's consider this seriously. possibly 1,000 times in my life I have been asked, "What is the book that changed your life?"--or-- "What is the film that changed your life?" are these serious questions? exactly how does a film change one's life? if your life is so…
Trump won, you don’t have to post like this anymore
Watching New Yorkers post “I voted for Zohran Mamdani” is like watching your friend hard launch with an extremely toxic boyfriend during the love bombing stage before he inevitably destroys her life.
LUCIFER LORD OF HELL: two more delicious souls for my fires… You have done well, my servant LED HEADLIGHT MANUFACTURER: your will is my desire, lord
I just got into a brainrot car accident. I wish this was faked. Everybody was ok
i think the fishing pic guys on dating apps are posers. i think theyre going to some stocked lake and fishing on easy mode and catching a normal amount of average sized fish for a lake once or twice a year
What is life? • Dostoevsky: It’s hell. • Socrates: It’s a test. • Aristotle: It’s the mind. • Nietzsche: It’s power. • Freud: It’s death. • Marx: It’s the idea. • Picasso: It’s art. • Gandhi: It’s love. • Schopenhauer: It’s suffering. • Bertrand Russell: It’s…
at jersey mike’s they put whatever toppings you want on the sandwich so you can ask for a turkey club with all the money from the register on it
no, i was not listening. bc i literally have hypertestosteronemia. which causes selective hearing. cant believe im married to a fucking ableist
i was at this show and right after this flopped she took out a kitten and broke its neck in front of everyone as punishment for no one laughing
The comedian just before me was Palestinian It was admittedly a tough crowd, but the set dragged on a little Then I got up “Guess he had extra time tonight since he’s no longer holding any hostages”
culture has regressed so far lol. it’s so over
Men in Budapest, Hungary, use their lunch break to play chess and take a dip in a thermal pool. 1977
added a little flour and egg to the leftover chicken congee and made pancakes
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