Izzy Bergquist
@izzybergquist
She/Her — Hench Daddy — Stage Manager — Fool
Taurus: u up? Taurus to English translation: I’ve restrained myself from texting you literally the entire day & this Drake song just put me over the edge
super blue blood red dic pic
I’m on the third system for organizing my living room books. This is Saturday night thrill-seeking if I’ve ever seen it.
BREAKING: Somewhere a legendary Taurus would rather read poetry & eat ice cream alone in bed than try to steal your man
Gemini as Sylvia Plath lines: Stars stuck all over, bright stupid confetti. Eternity bores me, I never wanted it.
Halfway to the airport this morning I vividly remembered where I had stashed a silly amount of pot in a pair of socks in my bag. Haha. Ha. A lucky thing, memory. ✈️
It is the duty of human understanding to understand how hilarious I really am
I’ve reached a new peak in my Dutch speaking because I can now understand that the swarms of people at monuments are talking Pokémon Go stragedy, and not in fact speaking about the history of the nation.
A man from Israel rolled my joint for me and I pruned all day with these two. Bless the universe. Bless the Dutch. Bless the cheese.
I said “I have news” and my mom instantly got so pumped (wet eyes, short of breath) because she thought I was pregnant. When I realized and panic-yelled that I’m moving she legit said “OH, boring” and blinked away her happy tears. Bless my candid mama and bless birth control.
Losing one’s self can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all. Any other loss is sure to be noticed: the plums in the icebox, a breakfast, a wife
“It seems as though Despacito is the ‘Achy Breaky Heart’ of 2017. Huh” -Gerry Van Hezewyk AKA the Production Manager/lead comedian of the Timms centre
As it turns out, SM Izzy does infact dress as a greasy dictator thrice a week. ✏️🔪📎
As I prepped for my passport photo the woman whispered “maybe tuck your hair ma’am, it’s going 6 ways past Sunday as it is.” and winked at me. Little does she know I’m always 6 ways past Sunday. Also, I’ll be saying “6 ways past Sunday” from now on.
My split lip makes me look cool like I got in a fight but jokes on me it’s actually just winter wounding me with arctic air.
I’ve been so funny recently that I simply can’t get through a single joke without laughing. Any tips on how to be less clever and hilarious??
Update: eating olives on my couch in nothing but a silk robe. What did I do to deserve this bliss?
Full moon in Taurus? More like full moon in BLISSFUL ISABEL.
I dont know what's better getting laid or conquering the intellectual crusade; all I know is when I'm getting one the other's getting away
United States Trends
- 1. Robert Duvall N/A
- 2. Lonesome Dove N/A
- 3. Girona N/A
- 4. Pawtucket N/A
- 5. Kounde N/A
- 6. Apocalypse Now N/A
- 7. Barcelona N/A
- 8. Dogs N/A
- 9. The Godfather N/A
- 10. The Apostle N/A
- 11. Tyra N/A
- 12. Lamine N/A
- 13. The Great Santini N/A
- 14. Open Range N/A
- 15. Tender Mercies N/A
- 16. Secondhand Lions N/A
- 17. Joan Garcia N/A
- 18. Days of Thunder N/A
- 19. Tyreek Hill N/A
- 20. Happy Presidents N/A
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