Joey Headset
@joeyheadset
I like tacos! https://mstdn.social/@joeyheadset
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"First, do no harm. Second, devour as many marbles as possible." —Hungry Hungry Hippocratic Oath
"So I said look man…there's so many words you could use for eating a hot dog. Munching. Chomping. Devouring. Pick any other word! But he insisted on using the original lyric." —Producer Don Gehman, on when he tried to get John Mellencamp to change the lyrics to Jack & Diane.
Does anyone know the name of the famous Indian-American New Age author who wrote about alternative medicine? I thought I knew his name, but when I asked a librarian "where can I find the books of Tupac Chopra?", he threw a biography of Neville Chamberlain at my head :(
If you search WebMD for 'erection' + 'audible BOING noise', the results are... not promising :(
Last night I dreamt I was stuck in a place called "Dr. Pepper City" :(
The lady at LensCrafters was a little too eager when she encouraged me to check out the Oakley section. However, I was intrigued when she asked me if she could "interest me in anything from Oakley's January 6th Collection" :(
Most people don't know that AMC's hit drama Breaking Bad was initially conceived as a sitcom about a wacky science teacher who stumbles into the illegal drug game. However, major networks all passed on the comedy pilot, which was originally titled "Making a Meth!".
If you want to get FREE LATTE at Starbucks, all you have to do is loudly proclaim that Phoebe Bridgers is overrated! (the free latte will be delivered via an angry lady throwing it at your face)
Do you think ancient humans ate chicken shaped dinosaur nuggets?
Feeling deeply grateful for all the people who bought T-Shirt Swim Club or requested it from their library, and all the people who helped make the book a reality. I almost can't believe it's real. If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.
“Hey bro did you know that there is a TOP SECRET bakery in the basement of the Pentagon? Haha yeah—” “I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume this is *not* a dumb joke that ends with the phrase ’knead to know basis’.” “Uh... never mind.”
Well, yeah. At this moment, I expect there's a lot of bong rips happening.
"OK, you give me a bucket of delicious shrimp and mollusks. In return, I will spray a thick cloud of snot-like ink directly into your face." —Squid Pro Quo
Just went to the local street ball court to show off my new seasonal basketball move which I call the Shamrock Shake! Sadly, dude on the other team countered with his move called the Irish Goodbye (which is another term for kicking me in the junk) :(
Thomas Bangalter called to tell me that the music *doesn't* sound better with me :(
"Hey this lentil quinoa pilaf recipe can be prepared in just 15 minutes!" *realizes recipe requires you have already cooked lentils/quinoa* "WELP I GUESS WE'RE DOING ARBY'S AGAIN LOLZ AMIRITE." *slips on banana peel and falls face first into pile of manure*
How did folks 'ghost ride the whip' prior to the invention of the automatic transmission?
I am finding it extremely difficult to find companies to sponsor my new homeopathic circumcision podcast 'Essential Mohels'.
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