John Dorne
@johncdorne
Writer, Designer, Inventor, Purveyor of bad jokes.
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Never use the towel in the guest bath. There’s pee on it. #badjokes
I used to have a drug problem, but now I have a prescription. #badjokes
You know how they put missing children on milk cartons? They should put missing parents on liquor bottles. #badjokes
When I was a young soldier, if someone tossed a grenade into the room, I would have jumped on it. Today.....I would throw you on top of it. #badjokes
Do you suppose the Russians will offer amnesty to Donald Trump? #badjokes
If you get an email from someone you detest stating, “thought you might be interested in this”. Or, “Soft women need hard men”, you’ve been comprised on Facebook. #badjokes
I once ordered a BB gun that used caps as a propellant. Then I shot my brother. The doctors did everything they could, but he pulled through anyway. #badjokes
Have you ever been in a situation where you have to watch a Christian movie or two. To me it’s like watching a barbershop quartet. At a certain point in time, you just want to hang yourself. #badjokes
If flat earth era want attention that much, they should stand in the middle of an airport terminal and yell, “Allah Akbar”. #badjokes
My father used to tell us he was so poor as a kid, his mother couldn’t afford to pay for electric. He said he would study by flashlight. I would say, “Gee Dad, how could afford batteries?”. #badjokes
Apparently our president paid a porn star $130k for sex. For $130k I’d let him do me. I can use the money. OK, $30k. #badjokes
There's a difference between innocently touching the small of a woman's back, and giving her a wedgie.
I’m worried. My GPS sounds exactly like Stephen Hawking. #badjokes
I love being a senior driver. I love to cut people off then thank them. #badjokes
I mix dietary fiber with my coffee. I call it a "Crappacino". #badjokes
You should be able to lease children like cars. Pay for extra mileage. Then if you want to keep them you can buy at a discount. #badjokes
I heard on the news that the US is thinking of arming the Ukraine. And that Putin is thinking of arming Mexico. #badjokes
If I sent a message to space, would it be, "Would you be interested in a fat, blond guy that's full of shit?" He's our leader. #badjokes
United States Trends
- 1. Sixers N/A
- 2. #911onABC N/A
- 3. Fanone N/A
- 4. harry styles N/A
- 5. Jack Smith N/A
- 6. #RHOBH N/A
- 7. Jarry N/A
- 8. #YIAYhouse N/A
- 9. #Aperture N/A
- 10. #HellsKitchen N/A
- 11. 76ers N/A
- 12. Sengun N/A
- 13. Peyton Watson N/A
- 14. Raven Johnson N/A
- 15. Paul George N/A
- 16. Arlington N/A
- 17. Minter N/A
- 18. Happy Anniversary N/A
- 19. Mantha N/A
- 20. Mike Santana N/A
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