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I guess I should update my bio. That Instagram with my maiden name is definitely not me.
p.s. I have two human children now, in case you were wondering what’s happened since my last tweet.
Remember me? 2021 is already such a mess, that I’ve decided I need Twitter back to make the news more digestible.
I HAVEN'T TWEETED IN OVER A YEAR. See you in 2019 for my next brilliant tweet!
I came to tweet that because I thought it was clever, but it turns out all of twitter beat me to it... Some things never change.
Why didn't the Jets and Bills get the #tnf Christmas Eve game? Looking very festive tonight.
If someone finds me this banner (target.com/p/spritz-harve…) from @target, I'll let you officiate my wedding.
To confirm the rumors; I found someone who wants to spend his entire life with me.. And he isn't Chipotle, pizza or donuts. He's a real man!
First time checking in here in forever and I had the best congratulations and happy birthday tweets to come back to!
Sometimes you get real drunk and have three separate dreams about Diane Keaton.
Think I'll go hang out with my BFFs sawyer and jack and kate and hurley and sayid.
I remember when I used to be out way past 2:30am and I still wouldn't have a hangover the next day. Rip cool KP.
Lol at the lady who just complained because Starbucks didn't have decaf coffee ready at 7am on a Monday.
Even better, today man in a fire SUV illegally used the commuter lane to cut me off because I believe in leaving following space.
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