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My dad bought me new tires. I guess he thinks 4 Goodyears makes up for 18 bad ones.
I’ll be honest with you I’m not going to vote for a presidential candidate if I don’t think they could survive being on a trampoline
I just know he was told not to drop that dogs and cats hoopla
Putting a baby in a freezer would kill it, but freezing embryos keeps them alive. That's why an embryo isn't a baby. Hope that helps if you're very stupid <3
The unfortunate trade off for modern women.. you have to get 9 abortions in order to find denim shorts that fit really good
My evangelical cousin thinks a group of crows is called an abortion
showing a photo of a healthy guy to my doctor like i’d show the barber a picture of a haircut
Pretending this warm cheese + room temp chip is a cold nacho to make it less disgusting. Follow for more mindset shifts.
What a fun way to phrase this
#NailedIt emcee Nicole Byer is now the most-nominated Black woman for outstanding host with four nods. However, she has yet to convert any of these into wins. variety.com/2023/tv/awards… via @Variety @nicolebyer
Re: Jonah Hill’s gross texts: my therapist honestly changed my life when he stopped me from saying someone was “violating my boundaries” and explained that boundaries are values you impose on yourself and your own behavior, not rules you can enforce on other people.
“Stay sitting in a chair and leave me alone,” a memoir, by Cari Kidd (my mom).
The Titanic is undefeated in killing the wealthy at sea.
Mind you, it took 73 years just to find the actual Titanic
Mass graves are depressing as hell. Having roommates even when you’re dead?!
Love hearing why you cant come to my shows. Really always enjoy hearing it.
So now the accounts who have a blue check mark on here are the same people who bought a class ring
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