Kelly Smith
@ksnap_
I wanna make indifferent graffiti… Toy Story 2 was ok!
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Overheard a dad “this is where they filmed Home Alone.” and his kid says “nope. that was in a house. ”
Man, imagine being Jeffrey Epstein. Your entire life has been devoted to obtaining blackmail material for people in positions of power, and then suddenly one of them becomes President of the United States… but then your old friend depression shows up again…
i think if i tried really hard i could convince Kim Kardashian the reason that the sun goes down at night is because it's tired
Kim Kardashian says she no longer believes in psychics after they told her she would pass the California bar exam she failed: “[They’re] all f**king full of sh*t.”
Um, he didn't do it. He was 10 at the time.
How the hell does the city that experienced the biggest Islamic terrorist attack in history vote for a Muslim mayor?
screenshotting people’s close friends and posting it directly to my own story
The so-called party of personal responsibility is led by a man who never takes responsibility for anything
And that’s why abortions matter
Bad Bunny is a Nepo Baby. His father, Bugs, has been huge forever.
Uber sends notifications like "hey want to take an Uber right now?" No thanks, buddy. It's more for when I need to go somewhere
I really enjoy the implication of caution tape spattered with blood. It’s like the the cops were called for an initial murder but in the time since they showed up, even more violent acts have occurred near the original crime scene.
i said it was my favorite movie i didn't say it was good
You’re laughing. Three million Rob Schneider fans are trapped in a digital purgatory and you’re laughing
Lmao I think this might be overstating the gravity of the situation a little
exposed brick is a huge selling point in apartments because you can do standup comedy there
a father on my flight wouldn’t let me switch seats with him so I could sit next to his wife and baby
I don't think we need two-factor authorization to sign up for Jersey Mike's rewards program. I think we can play that one a little loose.
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