Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Writer. My thoughts on healing. Survivors POV. YouTube: Nate_Postlethwait POD: A Little Less Lonely Resources here: http://linktr.ee/natepost
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Never underestimate a cycle breaker. Not only did they face years of generational trauma, but they stood in the face of that trauma and said “This ends with me.” This is brave. This is powerful. This comes at a significant cost. Never underestimate a cycle breaker.
The reason there is still so much that is unknown about complex PTSD is because it is a representation of things that no one is meant to endure.
One way people heal from abuse is by reprocessing the memories in order to give their mind & body relief from a present perspective so the energy can dissolve. Another way people heal from abuse is when we stop giving abusive people power, so theres nothing new to heal from.
There are people born to families that put them in survival mode. Years later, they’ll begin to understand their mind and body had to work harder because of this. I can’t imagine not wanting this person to heal and receive compassion and understanding for each step they take.
When a person is opening up about a traumatic event, there isn’t room to hear: -What their abuser might have gone through. -Ways they are at fault for what happened. -How you would’ve handled it differently. When people are hurt, listen.
Shaming a survivor for not seeing red flags is like blaming a kid for not navigating their parents abuse.
When dysfunctional families break up, they try to blame it on those who speak up about abuse that went on in the home. The reality is, that family broke up when the abuse started.
Imagine if every abuse survivor heard “You’re not crazy, you’re hurting” when they reached out for help.
Those who over-apologize are often the ones who are owed the most apologies. After getting hurt, they were left alone to believe they didn’t matter. So now, their apology is not just being sorry for a mistake, but being fearful that any mistake gives people the right to leave.
Enabler: "You should be over that by now." Therapist, healthy observer, safe friend, decent human: "That never should have happened to you."
Confronting family dysfunction is a protest. Questioning harmful beliefs you've been taught is a protest. Walking away from abusive relationships is a protest. Breaking the cycle is a protest. Be cautious of anyone trying to silence the importance of your protest.
Don’t forgive or forget if there’s potential they’ll do it again. Don’t believe bullshit about how you’re remaining angry by not forgiving, when the idiots who say that are helping the people who hurt you.
I wish we talked more about how much community you lose when you choose to evolve. Asking questions, self-reflection, and pursuing change make comfortable people uncomfortable.
Having a family member protect a person who has abused you is called betrayal. Having the person who abused you be a family member is called “No thanks, I’ll find new people and rebuild from there.”
“Family is everything.” For many, family is what hurt them most. For many, family is what causes people to rebuild life alone. For many, family is what keeps people stuck, until they find a new way-a life without the cycle of being passed down old pain.
It is normal to be a person who craves control of their environment, when you grow up never knowing what was going to happen when you got home.
I wish people would stop congratulating survivors on being strong & realize it's not strength-it's hypervigilance. It's laser focus because they're trying to survive & they know what's stacked against them. It's independence because they know no one is going to catch their fall.
Sending peace and compassion to those who tried to restore relationships with people that hurt them, but in the end were left alone to heal. May you feel connected to those who know that pain and recognize how hard you tried.
I recently had a 71 year-old share trauma she experienced decades ago. She’d never told. She’s known to be a bit rough around the edges, yet, when you know her truth, you see she’s anything but. She’s carried those untold stories alone. We all have much to learn from one another.
Listening to a survivor is the bare minimum. Believing a survivor is the bare minimum. Seeing the innocence in a survivor whose life was changed without their permission is the…bare…minimum.
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