offputting_guy's profile picture. I will never die

beejay

@offputting_guy

I will never die

Hiberno-englishpilled folks do be using the continuous present tense also 😎 yup

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There are thousands of aborted coworkers in heaven who never got the chance to show you AI generated shark attack videos


Youre one of the most sensual coworkers I think I’ve ever had


PRANK: I left my FRIEND in a SEALED BOX with a VIAL of POISON???!! (GONE HYPOTHETICAL)


beejay reposted

I lied to my taxi driver last night that I'm an archaeologist and now he's on his way over at noon with a curious rock fuuuuckkkkjkkk


Just came up with my dream blunt rotation and I’m not even in it


I weed in real life in my toilet this morning!

weed in real life:

Criminalsimpson's tweet image. weed in real life:


The squid concerto I organised has been postponed due technical difficulti. Tentacles difficulty. Technincles


Try smoking weed and eating some food… you can thank me later


Interesting phrasing. Usually I would say vehicular manslaughter “happens” to the people killed!

Lots of cringe replies about something that happened to this guy nearly four decades ago.



beejay reposted

once you've been to shelbyville you'll never stop wanting to beat mayor quimby to death with your bare hands

maccaucelebrity's tweet image. once you've been to shelbyville you'll never stop wanting to beat mayor quimby to death with your bare hands

He looks way older than 23

Two parents listening to the heartbeat of their 23-year-old son’s transplanted heart.

PicturesFoIder's tweet image. Two parents listening to the heartbeat of their 23-year-old son’s transplanted heart.


Yeah my thesis is sort of exploring country music through a post-malonial lens


Forcing my way into the cockpit mid takeoff to ask the pilot and copilot if they ever hang out or if it’s mostly just an at work relationship


Lowkey feel like this snake oil I bought isn’t doing shiit for my impotence


Jordan Cahill

Name a celebrity that would body these wigs

doctorTeeTee's tweet image. Name a celebrity that would body these wigs
doctorTeeTee's tweet image. Name a celebrity that would body these wigs


handjob after 3 days no shower call that a cheese pull


There are tens if not dozens of people worldwide who wake up every day with mental health.


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