Apparently a Parent
@parentapparent
Professional lion tamer. Oh no, wait- just a parent of a toddler.
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Toddlers and Twitter are pretty much the same: everything is said in 140 characters or less, and most of it's about body parts. #parenting
I feel like my health might improve if I stopped treating Frappucinos as breakfast.
Given the amount of food I drop on the baby, it's probably a good thing that everything is lukewarm by the time I get to it. #baby
I know I'm not always funny, but I don't drink and I'm not trying to lose weight, so 90% of parent humor is off limits to me. #momproblems
It's 8:32pm and the three year old has been crying for the last hour because we bought organic crackers. #parenting #threenager
Will this bedtime ever end? Magic 8 Ball says... don't have kids. #parenting
It's Pancake Tuesday, so for breakfast we're eating instant oatmeal. #PancakeDay
You think you're sane. Then it's 3am + you're sure if you lie the baby on his left, hum the national anthem and blink 11 times he'll sleep.
Do they make family holiday escape rooms? Because they should. #HappyHolidays
Curse the preschool teacher who thought slime was a good classroom craft. Two days in a row.
On learning to love my bump. beginningfromthestart.wordpress.com/2016/08/03/bum… #bumpday
My internet history suggests a much more domestic person than I actually am.
Third trimester and I'm still refusing to announce my pregnancy, because I enjoy being the literal elephant in the room. #pregnancy
4:49am and I'm pretty sure my kid is filibustering me. #parenting
If I could offer one piece of advice/wisdom to new parents, it would be to never fuck with naps. #parenting
"Mummy, monsters ARE real. I saw one downstairs, standing in the doorway." -ways your kid can really creep you out at 3am #parenting
"Take my advice, and stop at two kids." -my dad, to the fourth of his five children
My toddler begged to go swimming and then threw a tantrum because she didn't want to get wet in case you were on the fence about having kids
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