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If someone eats my ass ima killum 🤡🧢
If we go on vacation and you’re waking up at 2-3 in the afternoon, you will be left at the hotel. And that is a promise.. I’m not wasting a whole day sleeping
to the girls who see friends getting engaged, pregnant, married, moving into first homes, posting pics with their man, etc. and you feel like you’re doing something wrong. stop. their season is not your season. comparison is the thief of joy.
"Your indifference cost these men and women their most valuable commodity: time." Jon Stewart receives a standing ovation from 9/11 first responders after slamming lawmakers for failing to fund programs providing healthcare to the first responders abcn.ws/2Tk3IrO
The first #GoldenBuzzer of the season and @itsgabrielleu's first Golden Buzzer EVER! Kodi Lee is a STAR. 🌟💛🌟
Do all boyfriends fall asleep 2 seconds after closing their eyes or is mine just faking it so he doesn’t have to keep talking to me
My girlfriend complained that her fries weren’t curly enough so I gave her my curliest fry. She was so happy you would’ve thought I pulled out a ring and proposed. Girls are more simple than we were led to believe.
I LOVE MY FRIENDS. I WANT TO SEE THEM SUCCEED. I NEVER WANT TO LOSE TOUCH WITH THEM SO I CAN SEE THEM GROW OLD. I LOVE MY FRIENDS.
Big guy sitting next to me on my flight to Madison was v nervous in heavy turbulence and making sharp hissing noises on every bump. I briefly but sincerely put my hand out to see if he wanted to hold it. He was weirded out. I pretended it didn’t happen. But. it. happened.✋🏼
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