practicallyperfect
@practicallyperf
| Practically Perfect | Introvert who loves attention | My life is a comedy | @ me |
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Feeling bad for the new wife of an ex of mine. Must suck to be tied to that tiny dick for the rest of forever. I’ll buy you a vibrator, just blink twice if you’re in need.
I’ve never seen a look of pure panic on a man’s face until he realized that he was in fact, guilty, of getting chocolate on the white bedding. The realization hit him like a ton of bricks. 😂😂
10/10 recommend a roommate that will make shadow puppets on the wall with you at 12:30am. ☺️
Protip: read Alexander Hamilton’s bio prior to watching #Hamilton so you have some clue what’s going on. (I may or may not have paid lots of attention in history)
He traveled all around the world, and everywhere he went, he'd use his word(s), and all would say, "There goes a clever gent!" - Mary Poppins about everyone telling people to wear masks. #COVID19
When you’re sick on #ValentineDay but it’s okay because you’re SINGLE #AF
I would rather listen to my upstairs neighbors scream at each other and throw stuff than listen to someone try to learn a new instrument. 😑
Everyone knows I’m eternally single. Including my nail technician. Her:Want to make your next appt? Me:Yeah, lets do four weeks. Her:You no have no plans. I’m free on Valentine’s Day. 5:30? Me:You know I don’t have plans, that works for me! 🤦🏼♀️
When the package is this pretty, no one cares what’s inside.
Wonder how awkward it would be to spend an entire evening with an old hookup and his friends? I love overhearing conversations like these!
United States Trends
- 1. Dame N/A
- 2. Dame N/A
- 3. Valentine's Day N/A
- 4. Swayman N/A
- 5. Booker N/A
- 6. #NBAAllStar N/A
- 7. Denmark N/A
- 8. Jack Hughes N/A
- 9. Bobby Portis N/A
- 10. #USAHockey N/A
- 11. D Book N/A
- 12. Rupp N/A
- 13. Kentucky N/A
- 14. Jamal Murray N/A
- 15. Brady Tkachuk N/A
- 16. Rubio N/A
- 17. Kon Knueppel N/A
- 18. Eichel N/A
- 19. Providence N/A
- 20. Achilles N/A
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