quickgag's profile picture. Less chat, more gags.

Quick Gag

@quickgag

Less chat, more gags.

I hate negotiating for a job at a school. I’m not willing to discuss terms.


I’m terrified of negative numbers. I’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.


Did you hear about the man who fell into a well? He couldn’t see that well


Someone stole all my next door neighbours grass last night. He’s out there now looking forlorn...


I’ve been working 7 days a week recently so I went to Cornwall to time off in Looe...


I called the suppositories helpline the other day. They’re so rude!


To the person who stole my Microsoft Office - you're going to pay. You have my Word.


My friend can only sleep on stacks of old magazines. He's got back issues.


My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I gave her some superglue instead, She's still not talking to me.



RIP Cheggers. We stole a lot of terrible gags from you. ❤️


Remains to be seen if glass coffins become popular.


Musician is on trial for killing a fan with a guitar. Judge asks, “First offender?”. The owner replies, “No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!”


A clown just held a door open for me. What a nice jester.


Apparently Bruce Forsythe died from a seizure... A nice to seizure to seizure nice


Knock knock! Who's there? Europe. Europe Who? No YOU'RE a poo.


Why should you never fart in an Apple Store? They don't have Windows


Messi goes up to a girl in a club and says "Get your coat, you've pulled" She says "Wow, you're a little forward!" #nationaltellajokeday


Did you hear about the cat who committed a semi serious crime? The police gave him a fur ball warning. #internationalcatsday


I've just seen an advert in my local newspaper. ACCOUNTANT NEEDED! £35,000 - £40,000 So I rang them and said, "The answer is minus £5,000"


The condition of the man who was mauled at the Teddy bear's picnic is said to be improving, but he's not out of the woods yet!


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