Real Problems
@realproblems
Used to be a band, now it’s just me trying to come up with funny or offensive things to tweet.
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At this point I bet @marilynmanson wishes he WAS the nerdy kid with the big glasses from the Wonder Years.
Must have been a pretty boring debate if the most exciting thing that happened was a fly landing on someone’s head.
In honour of the late, great Eddie Van Halen they should bring back Crystal Clear Pepsi. Right now.
When this pandemic is over I’m going to rub my eyes for three hours straight.
They say cheez whiz is one ingredient away from being plastic, but I say plastic is one ingredient away from being delicious.
Remember that meme that likened wearing a mask with your nose poking out of the top to wearing underwear with your dick poking out the top? I need to get that printed on a T-shirt.
Reminder: there is a rule that every time you post a smokey sunset photo you must donate to a fire relief fund #smoke
Gender reveal parties are the hot topic right now. My friends had the craziest one ever. They waited until the second their child was born and had the doctor who delivered the baby reveal the gender then and there! And nothing burned down in the process.
When I was young I left the house with barely anything and my pants were huge. Now-a-days I leave the house with a never ending list of things, yet tight jeans are in fashion. Sometimes I wish cargo pants were still an acceptable thing to wear.
Idiots: I’m bored Me: Have you ever heard of the internet? Idiots: Yes, that’s where I go to tell everyone how bored I am. #pandemicproblems
My sleep schedule has gotten so bad. I asked my girlfriend if she had any ideas on how we could turn it around and she simply replied, ‘we get day drunk.’ I suppose that’s one way to make sure you’ll be passed out by 9pm. #pandemicproblems
My sweatpants are getting some serious mileage. I don’t even change out of them before I leave the house. I leave so rarely it’s like what’s the point? I will wear these sweatpants until they disintegrate from my legs. #pandemicproblems
You should probably avoid the grocery store on the weekends, but when you never actually know what day it is visiting the grocery store is like playing a game of Russian roulette. #pandemicproblems
I want to hug and kiss my girlfriend when she comes home, but after telling her to wash her hands, take a shower and perform the ritualistic burning of her clothes in the front yard the moment is kind of lost. #pandemicproblems
Who would win in a fight, Lemmy or David Bowie? Neither, they're both dead. #realproblems
SUN FEB 22 * FROM NYC * REAGAN YOUTH * CAR 87 * OLD DERELICTS * REAL PROBLEMS * ...$15 facebook.com/events/2854240…
First tweet of the year! Got to make it good, got to do something HUGE with it! OK, what I'm going to tell you will oops, run out of space.
TONIGHT @CAPiTAsuperCORP DEFENDERS OF AWESOME 2: STAY BADASS film screening + THE JOLTS @ElectrifyingRNR, @realproblems tix @ @BoardroomShop
Sept 20 @CAPiTAsuperCORP DEFENDERS OF AWESOME 2: STAY BADASS film screening + THE JOLTS @ElectrifyingRNR, @realproblems tix @ @BoardroomShop
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