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In the old days you could ride a horse to the dentist & then shoot a guy. It was a whole different deal back then. #history
I GET SO MUCH ATHLETE FOOT THEY SHOLD CALL ME LEBRON JAME JR
If a USB stick can only go in one of two ways, why the hell does it take me three tries? #BecauseIAmRetarded
@OfficialThrice Hey guys, saw you on Sun at Irving Plaza, and you were just amazing. Been waiting years to see you live, thank you so much
If a guy's coffee order has more than 5 words in it, he should have to tuck his penis and balls behind his butt for the rest of the day.
8.4 Million New Yorkers Suddenly Realize New York City A Horrible Place To Live http://onion.com/9ldi1f #Onion50States
Online poker is illegal. Losing your life savings in the stock market, however, is perfectly allowable. #InconsistentAssholeCountry
Get Ready: Grooveshark Promises a Fight to the Finish... - Digital Music News digitalmusicnews.com/stories/041811… via @digitalmusicnws
The latest Rolling Stone has a picture of an actual bloody severed head, but they digitally fuzz out Nicki Minaj’s plastic phallus. #values
"Puppy Mill" is too cutesy for what it is. It's like saying "hawacaust."
Just had the horrible realization that if Billy Joel someday dies of a heart attack, Twitter will explode.
Stuck in corporate hell today. If I hear the phrases "resource", "circle back", or "synergy" one more time, I'm gonna jump on a sword.
When you can put something back in your fridge by just kind of tossing it in there, that's when it's time to go shopping. That time is now.
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