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#CrapJokeThursday What do you get if you cross a ball and Emile Heskey? A goal kick.
@rm_edwards what you doin mate , fancy going to get second season of breaking bad
I believe in two things: God and family. Now they must fight to the death to earn my full love.
I introduced Morrissey on stage at one of his gigs. He wrote this for me to recite.
I'm following the Huddersfield Examiner on twitter. It's marvellous, apparently someone there has been arrested for kicking a wardrobe.
My Mum. She's going in there to throw stones. Should she?
Will Phil Jones be Gareth Bale's FIFA replacement?! tlks.pt/p49TWf #thfc #mufc #BestOfTheWeek
What's the odds on another kebab for me tonight @WillHillBet @RobbieSavage8 ? #5in5
FT Stockport Country 0-1 Colwyn Bay. Absolutely superb performance from the Bay. Jamie Matthews the bay hero with a backheel!
At Old Trafford, where it is a glorious evening. Just had to ask Hernan Crespo to vacate my seat. He looks immaculate.
The BBC, deliberately disrespecting a man's final wishes.
Watched MacGruber again last night. Tiny masterpiece.
.@usainbolt told @bbc5live he's not worried about #mufc: "Van Persie is in a goal scoring mood, so that’s good."
Are you ready for #mufcgame1? RT before kick-off for your chance to win a match worn shirt from the first game of the season. #mufc
You think you know depression, you son of a bitch? I just bought "Peggy Sue Got Married" on Blu-ray. THAT'S depression, you fucking faker.
Alan: There are more proven facts in my book than in the Bible.People call the Bible the good book, but my book really is good. #unseenalan
I want someone to invite me to a party so I feel included and then the party gets canceled so I can stay home. That's my perfect night.
Exclusive - Neville Southall warns Everton against signing Joey Barton, who he compares to Forrest Gump! tlks.pt/Bhff4h #efc
@Nicky8Butt 2.5 million not a bad bit of business for pele's player of the 2002 world cup
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