Batman
@savingotham
Any guy in his right mind would die to play Batman.
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Spent the better part of three hours trying to convince Joker that Obama has nothing to do with the high laughing gas prices.
Time for my annual Super Bowl tradition of reading cold case files and not giving a crap.
I was really hoping Steve's iPhone 4 "one more thing" would be a built-in grappling hook.
Gave a kid one of my serrated "Disemboweler" Batarangs tonight. He loved it, but I've got to get some mementos that are less lethal.
The staff at Whole Foods accused me of "bruising the fruit," whatever that means. On an unrelated note, I HATE CANTALOUPES!
I swear by the night, by my family name, and by the eternal flame of justice, to never watch an episode of Duck Dynasty.
Wow. I think I might have just invented a way to use salt and vinegar chips as a weapon.
Things I'm Over: Acid lapel flowers. Poisonous lipstick. Kardashians.
I am Vengeance. I am the Night. I am not fighting a mob of rioting idiots trying to save twenty bucks on a crappy cell phone.
I’d be more interested in this debate if it included a ninja sword round.
Dear citizens whose cars were parked on Lower 5th: Sorry about your driver’s side mirrors. However, the toxic purple paint wasn’t my fault.
Hey look, it's the very first Superman comic. I'll take 2 copies. One to display in the trash, the other to throw in trash. SUCK IT, SUPES.
"Why so serious?" My parents are dead. Oh, and my Starbucks finally stopped offering the Pumpkin Spice Latte.
Here’s hoping Ra's al Ghul crashes my birthday party again. Better to put my guests' lives in danger than actually have to talk to them.
For the last time, I’m down here looking for DNA traces... NOT “TEBOWING.”
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