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I’m going back to my roots *only dating men with engineering degrees and rainbow keyboards*
Every time I feel bad about not liking someone I remind myself that my dad broke up with a woman because she said Cher was pitchy
Update: “Brings back back memories. Tea gives me bad vibes” - Olivia, Age 18
Update: “it’s ok... it’s soothing and calming and I think I understand that more now that I’m 15”
I allways carry a vanity mirror with me if you come across a flower which is facing. Down put the mirror on your toe and put it under the plantyou can now se the flowers heart withoutbending down cheers
If there’s one thing I’ve learned as a law clerk it’s how to make my email subject lines clickbait
In the shower. Drinking wine from the bottle. Eating a subway sandwich. Thinking about how my apartment almost caught on fire and in my moment of panic I had the forethought to know I’d want subway when it was over.
My sweater was complimented by not one but two Trader Joe’s cashiers today so you could say I’ve made it
I haven’t read the Silmarillion but I know in my heart that the elves hate the dwarves because the short kings were hotter
Do your friends look up your bumble dates on Iowa courts? or are they fake?
Much to the dismay of some of my coworkers, I have successfully convinced the office legal assistant to play Taylor Swift over the sound system every Friday. What can I not do?
Some of you never won personal pan pizzas from Pizza Hut for reading and it shows
I knew I loved my cat but then he dragged a man’s clothes into his litter box and I’m now obsessed with him
Couldn’t sleep last night because I was thinking about the Lowes cashier who offered to burn my receipt so I didn’t have to see how much I spent on plants
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