Shellenger
@shellenger
Life Coach to the Criminally Insane https://twitter.com/search?q=from%3Ashellenger%20exclude%3Areplies&s=03
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Oysters are an aphrodisiac because they figure if you swallow that, you'll swallow anything
This weed was in a crevice that was really hard to get into and I wanted to make sure the roots came out so I tried to use my wife's eyebrow tweezers but dropped them in the crevice, now I have to pretend I don't even know what tweezers are.
Forget all the reasons why it won't work and believe the one reason why it will......
If you walk in an erratic zigzag pattern no one at the office can see you.
There needs to be a word that’s not as gross sounding as “panties” but not as geriatric sounding as “underwear.”
He looked like 10 miles of bad road so I took another way.
Sometimes silence is the best music.
You gotta know your worth even if it gets a little lonely sometimes.
I’ve waited until I had to do laundry freeballing in my tux more than once
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