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the best sandwiches cost $11 dollars. as they get cheaper they become nasty, as they get more expensive they become foolish
men think they have to go to the gym and have lots of money to get girls. no. you just have to look and talk exactly like Matt Berry
i am a hater first and a beautiful beautiful woman second
Bill Hader after dropping the darkest episode in recent television history
her: promise me you won't start acting like a community college professor tonight me: ok [later] me (after 1 la croix): alright guys *sits on chair backwards* what makes something art
I’ve watched this 19 times this morning.
DAWG! elmo has had enough with the shenanigans lol! i shouldn’t be laughing at this
Doctor: Oh you're sad? Would you like a pill that makes it impossible to cum?
Rudy Guiliani hobbling towards the podium with one foot stuck in a bucket of wallpaper paste, pointing with the one arm that isn't stuck in a pringles tube at a chart he's made out of pasta and glitter paint but then, an anvil
[Cake voice] We’re KEEPING our DISTANCE We’re all QUARANTINED We stay alone (ALL ALONE), for our friends in their time of NEED
A lot of people have been asking about my infamous playlist for having sex so here you go 😉
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