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Overhearing a woman say to a man that we aren’t ready for a woman president and she wouldn’t vote that way makes me nauseous
It’s officially start your car before you get in it season 🥵
If your cat doesn’t sprint to the door when you get home you’re doing it wrong 🥲💖
I’ve been sick for so long I’ve officially reached terminally ill mindset
If you’re allergic to peanuts my peen is nutting all over you
So we all agree that @Uber support is actually the worst
Already seeing the christmas content. Time to deactivate my phone until new years
Why isn’t midol candy coated like advil like hello it’s for the girls
Why do I always put my hands on bar floors when I’m drunk I’m fucking ash ketchum.. gonna catch every disease
Me on a cleaning frenzy: let me finish all these bags of chips real quick so I can throw them away 🙃
Ordering things off Etsy is great except when you want to decorate immediately and it won’t arrive for 3 weeks 😭
The way I don’t even think about going out on the weekends anymore. Just got sent a promo code for an afters I was like ??? Oh yeah it’s Saturday. No thanks
Me running into work today: “did yall know Rosa parks husband had a car????”
Why do I feel so fucking depressed and lost like damn can I have a crumb of assurance and serotonin pls
When I feel broke I just sleep a lot to not be tempted to spend money
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