m.
@thinlapinx_
no matter how far i stray, i always fall for this disorders protective, cold embrace. and i am elbow deep in medical school.
really don't want to go to class because I feel like too much of a fat blob
Today was much much better today. 126,5 you will become 106.5 like you have once before
I don't know anyone and I'm being that fat kid who stays in their room and binges on shit. Just fuck.
I need for it to be tomorrow or for classes to start or something to distract me holy cow I am lonely.
I was hoping to have 80mg of melatonin and 10mg of ambien knock me out but nooope.
My acid reflux has prevented me from eating very much today which is awful and great and just sickening.
I went off my meds. my weight has skyrocketed. almost had to take a year off from school from being so sick and nope, too stubborn
I am surrounded by emotional, physical, intellectual, social perfection all the fucking time
and my parents keep going on about how healthy I am now but I can't cope with the stress of med school
so like I got down to 110 but got really really sick and was hospitalized and now I'm back at 124 and I can't stand it
today was the first time since my ulcer diagnosis I felt skinny and of course it's at 124. fuck.
all I do is binge or starve idk how to eat normal because it's always too much
my life is a joke and it's even funnier now that I'm studying the particular ways in the way I want to hurt my body
can't ever escape this reality when it's the only coping mechanism I have.
I dunno what happened to skinny ass me. I think love made me eat a lot. But i miss her and i intend to find her under all this fat
and apology accepted why do I have such forgiving people in my life I'm so grateful
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