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Hi folks, my name’s Kate. I’ll be your server tonight. Oh, what does the K stand for? Uh… kunt. Yeah, the K is for Kunt.
“Shelter from this storm BOB!!!!” I yell as I spew chunks across the stage. Bob Dylan slowly gets down on one knee, his joints groaning, and shields himself from the regurgitated onslaught. The stoned 70 yr olds in the audience stay seated. Nothing new here.
Captain America was Hemingways worst contribution to American literature. Keep your wet dreams to yourself brother 😑 I don’t care how recurring and persistent they are
How tender was the tattoo artists touch when he shaved your thigh for that tat man? Was it tender? Was it soft?
Waiting 6 seasons for Carrie to reveal Mr. Big’s real name … waiting years for the girlie who came out as bi in a heartfelt and brave insta post to date a woman… it’s a story as true as time, they’re both ending up w a man named John
6-pack, 3 cans each, only got one shot now so lets do this right: can #1 and we’re Dunkin SPIKIN it at the yuppie blocking my damn sunset can #2, lets be considerate, cigarette butt receptacle can #3, sip er slow, mm is that lemon? Time to enjoy the splendors of a perfect evenin
Dunkin has destroyed the pillars of cheap coffee & brotherhood that they have stood on for so long. Death to their SOULLESS quasi-taproom rebrand. AMERICA DOES NOT RUN ON DUNKIN. LET US USHER IN THE RISE OF CUMBERLAND FARMS!!! RISE CUMBYS RISEEEEEE
Say goodbye to rest stops for good! Introducing the CARtheter: Just insert and drive
Reintroducing the fax machine into mainstream culture would revolutionize the sexting game like no technology ever has before. Having the ability to make your boobs shoot out of someone else’s printer anytime, anywhere…… EPIC
How many babies on the side of the highway would you stop for? I think 1 baby, youre too surprised to pull over. 3 babies, you have to stop. 10 babies, theyre better off if you drive by and let them naturally form an untainted side-of-highway civilization
Okay wellll in my mind I just poured rootbeer into your rainboots. Ew youre standing in them w no socks??? Whats that? You cant take them off, your toes are starting to prune? Yeah bitch I KNOW, youre the one in MY mind
Been smoking the occasional pre-shift cig w my 50-yr old coworker. Now he says every time he sees me he craves a cigarette... if Pavlov had used nicotine w his dogs we'd be studying a whole different field of psychology
How many dudes do i have to listen to do stand up about Roe v Wade before I earn my rights back?
The real holiday is 4th of July eve; every cop is tucked soundly in bed after 9pm and im free to go 90 on the highway w/o a worry in the world
United States Trends
- 1. Alysa Liu N/A
- 2. Bloomington N/A
- 3. Punch N/A
- 4. Indiana N/A
- 5. Canada N/A
- 6. Sony N/A
- 7. Megan Keller N/A
- 8. Bluepoint N/A
- 9. #PremioLoNuestro N/A
- 10. Toy Story 5 N/A
- 11. Kaori N/A
- 12. ariana N/A
- 13. Gold N/A
- 14. #LCDLF6 N/A
- 15. Ley de Amnistía N/A
- 16. #inwx N/A
- 17. The Varsity N/A
- 18. Pate N/A
- 19. Hammond N/A
- 20. Andrew N/A
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