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Just picked up a TV remote and pretended it was my phone so I could take an urgent call and walk out of a house party
Kent and I are pretending to be split personalities of the same dude so we can go half/half on a web-based therapist.
you can excuse all sorts of behavior under the guise of a japanese game show plot
OK, decision made. I'm watching this again...
It may seem like we're blowing shit up willy nilly, but if we don't drop all our bombs, they'll give us fewer in the next fiscal quarter.
Let's go on adventures = Let's try a new Thai place and post it on Instagram
things to bring on first date: petty cash fun joke to lighten mood non-disclosure agreement
God stepped out to buy a pack of marlboro reds 14 Billion years ago, and your mom doesn't have the heart to tell you he's not coming back.
time to play another round of: is my Tinder match foreign or just astonishingly bad at English
Why are none of my friends talking about @AngelOlsen I need new friends. youtube.com/watch?v=oL_3Y4…
Although I had mentally prepared for it, the amount of dudes who casually smoke gandalf pipes in Portland has still shocked me.
You guys ever find a parking ticket on one car and randomly decide to place it on the windshield of another car? Yeah, me neither
Forbes is sourcing me on how to save to buy a vacation home. About to be in a Bushwick shoebox but at least the internet thinks I'm doing ok
Both my younger and my older brother are engaged now, and I can't even decide what I want for lunch
Possible memoir title: I come from a long line of men who were better at getting laid than I am
her: that baby is so cute! me: babies are only cute as an evolutionary mechanism as our cave grandaddies would've ate 'em otherwise End Date
Interviewing LODRO on their new album. Mostly because I want an early copy of their new album
United States Xu hướng
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