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A guy in Mill Valley was running away from a falling tree in his yard during the storm last night, successfully outran the tree but was subsequently struck and killed by a passing neighbors van. If that's not the world telling you its your time to go, I don't know what is.
There’s a certain kind of joy I had never experienced until just now upon remembering I have corn dogs in the freezer
You know you’re getting older when you get through an entire tube of pringles without doing the duck bill thing.
Trump Canseco 2020
Hey little buddy @realDonaldTrump u need a bash brother for Chief if Staff. Got a secret reorg plan already. Also worried about you looking more like a Twinkie everyday. I will buff you up daily workouts. DM me. #yeswecanseco
Ancient piranhas had a bite force of 50 pounds their body weight. a world record. they are also a aphrodisiac in soup.
@SRPacifics Albert park getting ready for #cansecohomerunchallenge Nice little ballpark.
It's oddly satisfying to go back to the Safeway where you once worked and have your manager make you a sandwich.
The guy sitting next to me on the bus has a Jagermeister baseball hat with a pin on it that just says Fuck Often. #wordstoliveby
Eating cookies and ice cream after I already brushed my teeth #BecauseImanadult #BecauseImdrunk
I just learned that there's a movie called the The Great Debaters. Seems like a missed opportunity to name a movie The Master Debaters.
Eating frozen pot pies successfully is all about filling and crust management
I feel like my life needs some more excitement after dreaming about the apple juice I bought yesterday.
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