HR Manager
@30YearsofHR
Recalling random snippets from an excessively long career in Human Resources that is well past its due date.
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Boss always screws up the punchline of jokes. Still practicing my fake laugh.
Male manager to pregnant employee: Well, there goes that gorgeous body, never to be seen again. #HateHR
I know you haven’t heard a word I’ve said. I can hear you clicking away on your keyboard.
"If you don't like it here, you know where the door is." Yes, Mr. Manager, that was brilliant.
If you want to retain your job, please don't masturbate in the back seat during your carpool ride with coworkers.
You can never be too cautious. Mgr taped her name on her staple remover. Very important to stop the staple remover thieves lurking around.
Old IT help desk guy whose only advice was always, "Reboot your computer" was finally forced to retire. #NoLongerRelevant
Career Tip: Get hired into a job where your predecessor was a hated slimeball who got fired. They'll love you. It's so much fun.
Have to secure a new hiding place where employees can't find me. Someone blew my cover on my last hiding place.
Third person recently who wants to know how to get into HR. My advice--don't do it. Run for the hills.
Another employee removed from the job for mental health issues. #LoveHR
Dear Applicant: When you answer our interview questions, it's quite helpful if we can actually understand your response.
One more company event warning...no matter how attractive you find the boss's wife, do NOT flirt with her, regardless of what she does.
My assessment: 10% of our employees are dumb as mud, 10% are crazy as loons, 15% are just plain mean, the rest may be borderline normal.
Maybe you got a low rating on your performance review because you don't do a good job, not because your boss is a total jerk. Just maybe.
I'm sure glad those sexual harassment issues Anita Hill brought up over 20 years ago no longer exist in today's workplace. (Yeah, right.)
Recurring HR fear: People will think I'm the one who hired some of these bozos. It wasn't me!! It was before my time. Really!
Ugh! Another hour wasted with whiney William. I have to move faster next time to shut the door if I see him coming.
What made you think sending that snarky email to your boss was a good idea? #BadCareerMoves
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