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Wedding dresses cost a lot for something you only wear to get married in or haunt a boathouse.
Sometimes I'll stop the treadmill at the gym and run in place. When people ask me what I'm doing, I'll say, "Pretend stoplight."
Gravity 2 - George Clooney's smiling corpse slowly drifts towards the sun for two and a half hours
Family softly begging me to take off the huge RATHER BE FISHIN' hat but funerals need honesty and this hat's never been truer.
If I lived in Ghana right now, I'd probably be thinking, "BEAT USA!" and also, "I am so hungry."
You're just saying that because they are winning "what are you talking about? I've always loved the Ivory Coast"
Half Nelson, one arm. Full Nelson, two arms. Ultimate Nelson, two arms while whispering Mandela quotes to your opponent.
In honor of Star Wars day today, I cut off my son's hand and made out with my sister.
Idea: Like Google Glass, but a necklace or something that projects a website onto the face of the person talking to you.
Oops, I forgot to wish you a happy birthday on Facebook. I hope we can continue to pretend to be friends and ignore each other's posts.
Stop worrying about your love handles and ask yourself, can you handle love? I'm Danny, your intrapersonal trainer.
VIDEO: The end of the Weber State-Sacramento State men's basketball game was just absurd. deadsp.in/qVSvOmy
"Fat Cadaver" will either be the name of my future band or future clothing line.
Not sure why it gives me such great joy to know there's someone out there with the twitter handle "Stuart Scott's Eye".
I thought these eggs would do more for my self confidence. "Complimentary breakfast" my a...
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