Christopher Chicken
@BarryDickdeep
Director for the National Association for the Advancement of People with Big Gums and Small Teeth (NAAPBGST)
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My first task as CEO of any major restaurant chain would be to fire white collar employees and promote the waitstaff to Supper Management
Studying word origins for a spelling bee. Words that end in 'ole are usually mexican. I wonder if that includes butth'ole #spellingchampion
Lil' Wayne's birth name: Little Rain. His thick speech impediment led to the mispronunciation but his parents decided to roll with it #H8N
It is no coincidence that 'sequins' and 'Seek WINS!' sound exactly the same-Lady Charlie Gaga Sheen #Inspiring #quotes
I hate it when it rains because my candy necklace always stains my tie.
#LadyGaga has universal appeal. Deep inside each one of us lives an attention hungry nerd girl with a nasally voice and Marilyn Manson face.
Planning new city called Lawnworld, where everyone will drive lawnmowers. Bone Thugs reuniting for opening day, debuting remix 'Grassroads'
Local furniture store is having 'Barstool Blowout' event. Hope it is more fun than a regular stool blowout I had earlier #liquidfire
My grandma told about that shit about the world ending tomorrow. Not to be racist, but I blame #WhitePeople.
EMERGENCY: My ride to hell just flaked on me, does anyone else have room for me in their hand basket?
My parents laugh as they trade childhood stories about chasing the chemical cloud behind the DDT truck. If I had legs I would kick them both
Yesterday I was angry at meal-tweeters. Today I want to shout from the rooftops that you can get egg and cheese on your Krystal #bipolar
#Lunchtime! To everyone about to tweet your lunch selection: Today, fill your belly with a samurai sword, served Hari Kari style #wedontcare
I can't make out the fresh tattoos on a 50+ yr old woman. Some people look like they've had a full-body skin grafts from a scrotum #wrinkles
In the 50's businesses removed the WHITE and COLORED signs from water fountains, but we all know the better water cones out of the tall one
I am not a prophet, but I do predict Henry Rollins will soon be replacing Chuck Norris in all superhuman strength jokes. #henryrollins
I fumbled my hot Mcdolalds coffee and spilled it on the Mexican cashier. USA 1 MEX 0. Got to work, order was totally wrong. USA 1 MEX 1.
I hope auto-correct software is not used on medical records. I tried to type 'hug' and it suggested 'HIV'. Although one leads to the other..
Somewhere in Columbia there is a two month old named Sangre de Tigre, and Sangre WILL marry my unborn daughter. Somehow that is ok #winning
Somewhere in America there is a two month old named Tigerblood that will learn to despise his shitty trend following parents. #trolls
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