Bucket E
@BucketE
Tall, Dark, 50% less drunk. Vinyl enthusiast. https://twitter.com/search?q=from%3ABucketE%20exclude%3Areplies&f=live
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If I can’t comprehend the tweet in six seconds I keep scrolling
A mouthguard that keeps you from saying stupid shit
Cleaning your ears probably feels so good to a Q-Tip
Getting mulched into an unidentifiable mass by an enraged hippo would fix me
I just want to be able to say I put the "sat" in Saturday
People in nursing homes are having more sex than any of us. Happy weekend!
Last night at my high school reunion I partied until 3am, came home, showered & went straight into work. Exactly like I did back in high school.
My religious cult is believe in whatever the fuck keeps you goin honey
Most days I feel 20 years younger than I actually am but it all comes crashing down when the checkout girl calls me ‘Ma’am’ while she scans my 1kg bag of prunes.
The thing they don’t tell you about being immortal is you get pretty tired of masturbating about seven thousand years in
Became aware of a child named Hexton today so that's a lot to process
Spanking my wife with a baguette for sexual reasons and also I hate bread
i’m never really sure what to do with my hands when i go jogging, so i don't go jogging
Why can't serious side-effects ever include things like "the giggles" or "pussy magnet" come on man
Gonna go buy my bootleg fireworks from my explosives guy, Flammable Dave.
If i ever start a sentence with "no offense" i am lying
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