Me: “practice makes perfect!” 6yo son: “no, practice makes PROGRESS, mom” Well OKAY THEN 🫡
I’m done telling anyone anything I’m officially closed off and mysterious. Don’t ask me anything personal I’ll just lie
Of all the new trendy things whoever coined “the ick” like reaaaally nailed it
just said "women be shopping" and my boyfriend replied "lyndon b johnson"
This is what it feels like to listen to The Smashing Pumpkins
“I had a dream about the Aztecs and the Incas last night” - @unwellmichaela I honestly don’t even know at this point
You can lead an ordinary life and be an extraordinary writer. And even if you're a mediocre writer, please write. Someone will resonate with your words. We need long form content in this world of slop. I want to see people being earnest and thoughtful.
Not all of you are interesting enough for Substack personal essays
Nothing more infuriating than a man that doesn’t know what to do. Like isn’t that supposed to be your entire deal???
My 5 year old is quietly practicing “yo mamma” jokes to himself on the couch before school
The other night i was wondering why everyone was grieving jane goodall, an evil woman who literally exploited the monkeys she saved to make them mine diamonds, and then i remembered that was a simpsons episode and that it was time for bed
i'm chronically online in a different and more sophisticated way than you are
WHERE HAVE ALL THE COWBOYS GOOONE so loud that I’m scaring the people I drive past :)
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