Abby💀🥔
@ChappyDays
full time lil potato goblin, part time sad grandpa🌛
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Feeling like a stapler stuck inside some jello because i too, am a joke 👎
Gen z and millennials: I would like to earn enough money to live Boomers:
You should have to confirm you actually wanted to open your front facing camera. I should never be forced to accidentally see my own face
Grandma: I checked your book out from the library, but I wrinkled it a little bit before I returned it, so people would know it's popular. I'm retiring from marketing. Grandma is taking over.
hey do u wanna come over and lose all grasp on reality together for a bit
sorry for not responding to you in a reasonable amount of time. i spend most of my waking hours in a far away realm
I just read -- in the book SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO by Jess Hill -- about the incident in Stockholm for which Stockholm Syndrome is named, and I am royally pissed off on behalf of all women, buckle up.
I wish Facebook had a "hide all" option for suggested friends. I don't know any of these people I already deleted everyone I dont want any more friends I am fine thanks
the town is barely big enough for him
my first LA therapist compared me to her dead pomeranian and called a few days after our (only) appointment to let me know she had a dark dream about me, was scared, and couldn’t stop thinking about it 🫠
my mom is sitting at the table doing the crossword and she let out a huge sigh and wistfully said “it’s hard to think of elmo as a monster”
his response is taking me out lmao
Decided to use my 3D printer to figure out how the hell we’re doing this.
my parents at 30: whew, we weren't expecting to have a third kid and a new car this year, but I think we can swing it me at 30: I was not expecting to have to replace an extra lightbulb in my home this year and now financial ruin is upon me
“it’s not about the destination it’s about the journey ❤️” ok well the journey’s been pretty bad actually
Why get a weighted blanket when you have the crushing weight of existential dread
United States Trends
- 1. Knicks N/A
- 2. #WWERaw N/A
- 3. #NationalChampionship N/A
- 4. Max Christie N/A
- 5. Don Lemon N/A
- 6. Mike Brown N/A
- 7. Mavs N/A
- 8. #CFBPlayoff N/A
- 9. Dwight Powell N/A
- 10. Finn Balor N/A
- 11. Jeff Hafley N/A
- 12. Thibs N/A
- 13. Canes N/A
- 14. #HardRockBet N/A
- 15. Hoosiers N/A
- 16. Azzi N/A
- 17. #GoAvsGo N/A
- 18. Dolphins N/A
- 19. McDermott N/A
- 20. Chet N/A
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