Dating Ourselves
@DatingOurselves
Heartthrobs in distant lands (@CHELSEAoutloud & @theMikeWhite) forage the pre-apocalyptic wasteland of online dating for mediocre sex, free food, maybe love 🖤
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Whether or not you've endured the sublime chaos of a long-distance relationship, I can't recommend @Dobrenkz & @AshleyRSpillers' new his-and-hers series DISTANCE enough. Heartfelt, poignant, and these laughs have prolonged my pneumonia recovery by DAYS. distancetheseries.com
We made a show called Distance. It's about a couple in a long distance relationship and each episode is split into two parts - HERS and HIS. You pick what side to watch first. I've never been prouder of anything in my whole life. Watch it all for free @ distancetheseries.com.
Most of my many poor life decisions were made with a woman in mind over my own best interests. I regret nothing. #InternationalWomensDay
Cool, I'm already better than our president at hunting down Isis. (Swiped left, we'd never be able to fly anywhere.)
Current status: Resorting to dating apps for job hunt (ideally not involving hands, blowing)
Does cuffing season get longer or shorter with climate change?
Nuts how Chelsea Manning got Obama's attention with one grainy car selfie. Meanwhile, I used 50 different photos on dating apps last year.
Sure, there are worse things about our country right now, but the number of people who list "smiling" as a hobby on dating apps is alarming.
Haven't as much as thought about sex since the election. Too much risk involved.
"Online dating" is just another way to say "Mortal Kombat"
Every time I pack for a move is like strolling through the Smithsonian of my failed relationships.
At least if I ever run for President, no one can question my record of being attracted to emotionally unavailable women. #RightSideOfHistory
Fun fact: We inadvertently set the record for "too early" yesterday. 💞
Great. Now that @CHELSEAoutloud and I have met, I have to change the @DatingOurselves Twitter bio. #StrangersNoMore
Between chokers/bra adjustments/vanity plates, pretty sure our finally meeting already has more hype than the Olympics 🔥🔥🔥
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