The Security Guard
@DeSecurityGuard
Observing and Reporting. (30% parody)
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Interviewing staff? Ignore the 'Motivated/Go Getter' shit on the CV. Look for 'am not stupid enough to set off alarms constantly'. #security
I see you've accidentally set off the alarm. For the 6th time this week. IF I HAD ANY INFLUENCE YOU'D BE P45'D YESTERDAY!! Jesus. #security
Today's summary: 0 arrests, 0.5 assisted arrests (held door open for the cops), 1 verbal assault (called fat while eating Twix) #security
How many Twix bars can I eat on a 10 hour shift? 4.5 - I started feeling sick during number 5. I now know my limit #security #workinghard
Yes, sir, the public toilets are cunningly located directly under the giant, brightly lit sign saying 'Public Toilets'. #helpful #security
€5 collected from abandoned shopping trolleys this morning. Who says security doesn't pay?! #lookatmenow
Have scheduled a post lunch nap for 2:15pm - 3:00pm tomorrow. God help the person who wakes me up #readyforaction #security
Security guards are not lazy, we are relaxing our well trained muscles! Ready to act! Joe Public should be grateful! #stayfrosty #security
May be late for work tomorrow. I'll blame applemaps. I will, however, use googlemaps to find the nearest shitter on site #priority #security
Today's summary: 0 arrests. 0 assisted arrests. 4 verbal assaults. 1 awkward moment (mistaken identity). Clocking out 5 mins early #security
Emergency phone started ringing. Can't find it. They'll call back if it's important. #security #safetyfirst
I could've worked for the Airport, y'know. Says every security guard, ever. #security
There's talk of a new uniform being issued. I hope there's a badge involved. An actual security badge. And a cap. #topoftheworld #security
Was thinking about taking up karate again, am pretty sure that my existing yellow belt qualification still stands #upskilling #security
Can never get enough of these staff discounts at fast food restaurants. 'Sure Mr. Manager, I'll keep a close eye on your place'. Nom Nom Nom
"Sorry man, CCTV camera was looking in the other direction. We can't be everywhere at once, have you tried the Gardai?" #security #helpful
Spotted an young fella kicking the shite out of a customer's car door. Thought about intervening, but it was a BMW so..
Night shift during the week. Breaking Bad Season 2 will be under scrutiny. Hopefully there are no alarm activations
Wondered about my suitability to continue working in the security industry, but then simply paid €80 for license renewal and all was well.
Was chatting to a few fellas who were working at the London Olympics. They looked fierce rested.
United States Trends
- 1. Paddy N/A
- 2. #UFC324 N/A
- 3. Alex Pretti N/A
- 4. Ilia N/A
- 5. O'Malley N/A
- 6. Arman N/A
- 7. Derrick Lewis N/A
- 8. Derrick Lewis N/A
- 9. Muratalla N/A
- 10. Moro N/A
- 11. Suga N/A
- 12. WHAT A FIGHT N/A
- 13. #SNME N/A
- 14. #UFCParamount N/A
- 15. Kyle Rittenhouse N/A
- 16. #Skyscrapperlive N/A
- 17. Dragon Ball N/A
- 18. Silva N/A
- 19. Battle of Gods N/A
- 20. Song Yadong N/A
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