squirrely man
@DerekNeiman
I'm funny sometimes I guess, check back in a week I'll have something good by then
[takes dead cat to taxidermist] "What pose do u want him in?" Doing Ryu's dragon punch. "Isn't that the same as Ken's?" No it's fucken not.
My mom keeps referring to Macy's as Meyer and Frank, so my life is basically hell.
I've discovered an alternate universe, the only difference is Michael Caine always switches his M's and W's
The best part about the phrase "that's some thick ass bacon" is that no matter where you put the emphasis you're right.
Hashtags: Social media, expected Clothing, gross Daily conversations, hilarious
"I can't take your order" Red Lobster chef tells customer "I have bigger fish to fry"
Mice always run away because they need to go home and cry because they can only have a hairy Christmas
It takes way more than 182 blinks to miss their god awful concert
*scientist makes public announcement* "It is officially more douchy to call someone by their clothing than their last name"
[wife opens grocery list and realizes it's my rap battle lyrics] oh no [me to some teens in parking lot] eggs and bacon I gots y'all shakin'
Roll roll roll a blunt, smoke a bowl of herb Take out all the stems and seeds and sell them on the curb
Mullet blown in the wind, hair clinging in patches to his freckled back, a man sprints maddeningly, naked but for half a horse costume.
I spend my lunch break outdoors because I am a huge fan of mega flora excretion.
I need dental floss, should I buy some or move to Montana? #zappa
It does me good to know i'm a better singer and guitarist than Mike Birbiglia.
I'm going to write a number on a piece of paper, it's a measurement. Don't look at it now, look at it later and let me know what you decide.
Am I correct in thinking reservoir dogs is part of the incredible journey series?
United States Trends
- 1. Knicks N/A
- 2. #WWERaw N/A
- 3. Max Christie N/A
- 4. Don Lemon N/A
- 5. #NationalChampionship N/A
- 6. Mike Brown N/A
- 7. Finn Balor N/A
- 8. Jeff Hafley N/A
- 9. #HardRockBet N/A
- 10. #CFBPlayoff N/A
- 11. Azzi N/A
- 12. Dolphins N/A
- 13. #GoAvsGo N/A
- 14. Canes N/A
- 15. Thibs N/A
- 16. McDermott N/A
- 17. Dwight Powell N/A
- 18. Chet N/A
- 19. MLK Day N/A
- 20. Nicki Minaj N/A
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