EmilyIsSoRandom's profile picture. Jack of all trades | Master of puns

Emily

@EmilyIsSoRandom

Jack of all trades | Master of puns

Fissato

Will someone please gift me several thousand dollars so I can get my life together


It’s been over a month and I still can’t believe I have a dog sometimes. I get so giddy just realizing it from time to time😍


Ok people with periods: like or retweet if your cramps have ever woken you up at 4 am and kept you hunched over on the toilet for over an hour with pain so intense you vomited. It can’t be just me.


5:25 pm and all I hear are sirens and helicopters. Stay safe if you’re still out there.


Repost di Emily

My statement on the death of George Floyd:

BarackObama's tweet image. My statement on the death of George Floyd:

Why are adults dumber than children?? (It should be noted that I, someone who wants nothing to do with children as soon as they let out even one whine or scream, am asking this.)


Repost di Emily

Remember precedented times? Those fucking ruled.


I have to give kudos to the @ChaseSupport and @AmericanAir teams for helping so seamlessly with a flight I had booked for April that was canceled. Amidst all that is going on in the world, they made the process quick and easy. Looking forward to traveling again once it is safe!


This looks like the coolest Masters program @NorthwesternU ...why does it have to cost $45,000?! I’m still paying off undergrad loans and there’s no way I’m taking out more😩 sps.northwestern.edu/masters/inform…


I disinfected a pizza box tonight.


Ok why did they change Jake from State Farm?!


If the taco on #TheMaskedSinger isn’t Ted Danson I’m suing


There’s a new Google commercial where an old man is searching through his google photos and memories to make sure he remembers his late wife, and it destroys me every time


If you are one of those insane drivers who constantly swerves in and out of lanes to “get ahead,” you are on my hit list. And by that I mean, I will not be sorry if you get hit and total your car due to your reckless negligence 🙄


I made it 4 whole days into 2020 without sobbing. It was nice while it lasted.


Ok hear me out: an app like Tinder/Bumble/Hinge but instead of matching with people you want to date, you match with people who have dogs you want to meet and pet and love🐶


Hey @LinkedInHelp, I’ve responded to every single message I’ve received from a recruiter over the past several months, even just to say “no thank you” if I wasn’t interested in the role. Is there a secret inbox I’m not seeing?

EmilyIsSoRandom's tweet image. Hey @LinkedInHelp, I’ve responded to every single message I’ve received from a recruiter over the past several months, even just to say “no thank you” if I wasn’t interested in the role. Is there a secret inbox I’m not seeing?

I think my favorite thing about my vacation is that I didn’t sob out of desperation even once. I’ve been back at work one day and the tears are already falling.


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