FletchMasterP
@FletchMasterP
I wiggle. I shake. I bounce. I'm a Wheatie and we're going to be best friends whether you like it or not.
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It took 68 days of quarantine but Mom finally noticed something in the house smells. It’s me.
"No, you're the puppet." -Me, watching Mom mix my dry food with just the right smidge of canned food to satisfy my discerning palette
Doorknobs are proof that society is rigged against me. So is the electoral college. Because I don't know what it is.
I heard Anderson Cooper just say you can't polish a turd. But That doesn't keep me from trying. (With my tongue.)
If @HillaryClinton is a nasty woman, I want to be one too...but the kind with fur. And a penis. #ImWithHer
Any day that starts with the @oscarmayer Weinermobile driving down my street is a day filled with possibilities...of giant wieners.
Oh sure, M&D. Go ahead & foster some other dogs. But what about me? How am I supposed to survive with only 5 beds to call my own?!
We found a lump. And not a lady lump like I've always prayed for. So if you believe in Dog, please send up a bark that it ain't no thang.
But my biggest problem with Paw Patrol is that they hide the ugly side of these dog "super heroes." WHERE DO THEY POOP? We know they poop.
Shows like Paw Patrol just promote canine stereotypes. Why can't the Dalmatian be a graphic designer? Or a bulldog a ballerina? #its2015
This was 4 years ago. And probably the last time anything in my life made sense.
It's hard work being this handsome & still so down to earth.
It's hard work being this handsome & still so down to earth.
Sometimes when I'm sitting by a crackling fire on the shores of a Northwoods lake I can't help but think, WHY AM I NOT SLEEPING?!
BREAKING NEWS: There are three children in my house today. IN OTHER NEWS: I'm under the bed.
I haven't moved in 8 hours. Mom would be worried but she only cares about GMOs, mittens & chia pudding. And she knows I'm fine. #priorities
In other news, Mom just packed wine for our weekend camping trip. #braceyourself
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