Ryan's Fiction
@FreshClemonade
I hope I die before I get old
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Does this pinned tweet make me look fat?
I'd pay good money for a soft drinks bottle with a removable lid
If you're paying £5.80 for a pint you should be allowed to do a little minesweeping
Despite my efforts the plumber didn't want to 'come to some other kind of arrangement'
In the alternate ending of Jason and the Argonauts Jason is thrown over board for saying "The guys back home Argonaut going to believe this!" The end.
My elbow watching me do a full skin care routine on my face.
Here's a never before seen outtake from Bear in the Big Blue House.
Finally get a bank holiday off and everything on telly is shit
GAMESHOBIA The fear of telling people what I like to do in my spare time on national television.
“you’ll miss high school when you’re an adult” no i actually dont at all
The most unrealistic thing in Harry Potter is how he's meant to be from London but never refers to urinating as "going for a Tommy Riddle"
Faith is opening an email titled "Price changes" and hoping it might decrease
Cocknies love telling people they didn't know if they were coming or going
I’m a dentist and I graduated with 68 other ones. I’ve met even more in 13 years as a dentist. None of us have been asked shit about our opinions on toothpastes.
Hear me out: A separate line at coffee shops for people who know exactly what they want.
If Will Smith hadn’t slapped Chris Rock I wouldn’t have known the Oscars even happened
*puts the cat amongst the pigeons* what the fuck
Please don't look at me as I retreat into my shell of angst now that you can like Instagram stories
When love in fact DOES have something to do with it
On this day 12 years ago someone somewhere got Rick Roll'd
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