Professor Conti
@FunFactLucas
Fun Facts only, don't follow if you're looking for Hot Tips. (This is a parody account and is not run by Lucas.)
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Fun Fact: Tree houses aren't homes for tree families. They are the forceful attaching of live trees to the limbs of their dead brethren.
Fun Fact: My scientific name (Professeritus Lichstrade Contucas) roughly translates to “unidentified and unwelcomed hairy teacher from the land of Big-Feet”.
Fun Fact: I can conjure an image of my brain. You don’t get to see it though.
Fun Fact: My friends like to make fun of my lack of movie knowledge, but that’s what I have Devin and Josh for. I believe in a balanced party. If I don’t provide the top Destiny strats to the group, who will? Certainly not Mike.
Fun Fact: Many nights I lie awake, unable to claim the solace of sleep. I am burdened by the knowledge that he is still out there: my greatest enemy. I know that we must once again face each other: man to man, beard to beard. I won’t know peace until I see the end of Santa Claus.
Fun Fact: When you tuck me in at night, you’re doing it wrong if you don’t wish me a “Goocas noucas Lucas.”
Fun Fact: I was not born this hairy. Everytime I receive a complement, I store it on my body in the form of a hair follicle. I grew my first beard by age 0.1, and my entire body should be nothing but hair by 2023.
Fun Fact: I am the best character in Resident Evil 7. And I got a lot of royalties for lending my name and likeness to the franchise. You’re welcome.
Fun Fact: 2/3 of all math is “normal math”. That’s your algebra, geometry, trig, stats, calculus, etc. That’s not what I’m here to teach you...
Fun Fact: I have been the patron to many warlocks in my time. I hold mystical secrets the likes of which is beyond mortal comprehension: I know math.
Fun Fact: I calculated the exact amount of dinner I could safely eat last night, based on food density and my own body mass. I then ignored it and ate too much.
Fun Fact: I know no part of Mussach’s name other than “Mussach”. The rest of her identity is a complete enigma, shrouded in mystery.
Fun Fact: For the first time in 11 years, my age is the same backwards and forwards. This is a pattern that will repeat throughout my life.
Fun Fact: Moments may be ruined with words, but never with numbers. 37.
Fun Fact: Last night I dreamed of being a spider. I crawled inside Mike Wright’s mouth while he slept. The warmth of the inside of his throat fuels me. I shall cherish this memory forever.
Fun Fact: The last time I ate an adult-sized meal, it was still the 20th Century.
Fun Fact: Grass is just the body hair of the Earth. Mowing the lawn is trimming its beard. Vegans eat hair.
Fun Fact: I can be your hero baby: you need to feed and change me 👶 🍼
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