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Fuck the tax returns, I want to see how many abortions he's paid for.
Our brontosaurus fell down and it’s actually really sad
Sometimes I wish I was the kind of mentally ill that made me scary instead of the kind that makes me cringey
Idk how to explain to my kid that the 90s was just a bunch of 14-year-olds running around saying "fuck me in the goat ass!" #IGotsNoFuckenDukes #HoagiesAndGrinders #IHateMySchool
It's been 7 years and I still think twitter is something I'll "get into someday."
It's truly delightful to have been told my entire life that I was oversensitive and way too emotional only to get to my 40s and have a therapist tell me once a week how bad I am at feeling stuff
The minions wouldn’t last a fucking hour here
When you tell a person who lacks confidence that "confidence is the the thing that truly makes a person attractive," you're basically saying "you wouldn't be attractive even if you WERE hot"
Putting my kid on a plane at 5 am like "the world's a nightmare, babe, go see more of it"
I find it helpful to remember that you can be perfectly logical, rational and reasonable and still be wrong
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