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I am retweeting this because it just happened again less than an hour later, just in time for # 2 to wake up for the day! Kids are super fun. 🙂🙃🙂🙃🙂🙃🙂🙃🙂🙃🙂Maybe I can be @TrojanCondoms spokesperson?
In case you were contemplating parenthood, I was just awoken from my guest bedroom (with a piercing scream from the master) because I have to keep #2 away from sick #1 & was banished from my own room. Also, apparently screaming now accompanies puking. Kids are fun. 🙂🙃🙂🙃🙂🙃
I hate when people refer to themselves as a "hot mess." No, you're just an egotistical fucking train wreck and not remotely attractive.
So happy to be spending our eighth Valentine's Day together and our… instagram.com/p/BQeQQ_uDNPMN…
Is bringing wine in a travel mug to trick or treating really that bad? I can't imagine enduring it without drinking 👻
Wearing nonmaternity jeans for the first time in a year. Why the fuck do all jeans not have stretchy waist band? Fuck snaps and zippers. Wtf
Con: Without fail, every time I try to eat dinner, Wyatt starts screaming & crying. Pro: I enjoy rhyming and call it the Wyatt diet.
Dear @NFL Any player wants to boycott the anthem on 9/11 should be asked to remain in the locker room until kick off. It's not their moment.
PSA: telling me to go away and laughing when you hold my baby will never be funny.
Totally ready to rock this whole "cool aunt" thing 😎💛 love you so much already, Wy Guy
I used to think people who could eat anything & not get fat were the worst people. I was wrong. People who claim to enjoy being pregnant are
Just wanna spend my whole day bragging about how phenomenal @morgandigangi does makeup. THANK YOU SO MUCH 😚💛☺️ #JulieAndAdam2016
I have successfully survived 7 months of marriage!!! (Pay no attention to the fact I'm near 8 months pregnant )
Nothing makes you realize how many people you dislike quite like trying to name a baby.
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